altered nest

my heart is absurdly full of divergent emotions today. they are climbing and clamoring around within me until i dont know exactly what to do or even how i feel. 2 of my four kids are moving out. one has moved out before, but this time into her own "real" place. the second eldest is leaving for school.

it is not the leaving the nest that i mind - i want them to go and am so excited for their adventures to come - what i seem to mind today is that the nest itself is taking on a whole new configuration. i already miss the sound of the four kids as they play, tease, talk, sing, laugh, do everyday things together. the little band that once watched Barnie and sang Hanson and danced in my living room to Billy Joel and the Indigo Girls, the band that camped together, swam together, watched Mr Bean together. my mind tells me all is not lost, that these ARE the things that remain, but for today my heart misses trips to the train park with sippy cups of juice and baggies of fishy crackers, sweaty hands in mine...all four pairs.