a season of fall

autumn. fall. it is a season of dying, of deaths. and yet i live in florida, where a sense of perpetual summer clouds the reality of the closing of seasons.

this autumn i have had many leaves fall:

one child moved out on her own, another went away to school. my father-in-law underwent harrowing heart surgery and my husband discovered a blood clot in his leg. my son applied to college, my baby started high school.

certainly there is a spring to be found in many of these, a new beginning. hope for a bountiful outcome. but while i know these things are good - or will be good - i find that my heart is shattered. crunched like so many dry leaves on the ground. i want to cry. i want to curl up in a sweater before the fire and drink brandy and listen to the blues until i feel heard.

things die. they change. and no matter how certain I am of the spring, of the beauty that is yet to come, my body, my mind and my spirit long for me to ache for what is no more.